Retired Service Dog Journey: Visit Week 1

On Sunday I went for my usual almost-weekly visit to my niece and sister's home. This was my first visit with Freely since she has officially moved to their home. It is increasing clear that this has been the absolute right decision for Freely. She is doing well. Now that she and Lucy (Madeline's dog, 3 year old Vizsla mix) have been around each other for a block of time, they are settling in to some well compromised play.

In the past when we've visited their home Freely had been strategically placing herself in corners or through and behind furniture to avoid Lucy's exuberant play. Her jumping and pouncing are a bit much for Freely's comfort, especially with her hip and spine being so arthritic. Finally Freely has found the perfect position for dog play and that is down on the floor. She simply lays down. When Lucy presents her play bow, if Freely is interested in playing, they start with their mouthing and the fun begins, rolling around on the floor. If Freely is not interested in playing, she simply turns her head away and ignores Lucy. Lucy has not always been so responsive to the head turning and it was a delight to see her now responding appropriately to the canine message.

My niece often does dog sitting and there were two additional dogs there on Sunday. They all got along wonderfully. There is definitely more action at their home and I know this is great for Freely. The relief from my worrying about her quality of life both physically and emotionally is definitely a gift. Her pain level is well controlled. A few groans on ups and downs, but definitely comfortable enough to enjoy social interactions, the most important part.

When I left she was a bit anxious and all ready to go with me, so we may do that a little different in the future. She'll get the change after a few times no doubt. I do have to say that I still feel her next to me around the house, still find myself calling her, and coming home right now to an empty house is the most difficult. And when my heart feels the pain, I just think of her smiling and picture her playing with Lucy, and smile with them.

 

A Service Dog: When Letting Go Brings Fortune

 

Freely came to me at 10 months of age, career changed from a program that trains dogs for people. First she was a beloved pet… then there were hopes for therapy dog work, and following that, at the suggestion of a physician, I started training her for my service dog.

Our owner-training journey was filled with mountain tops and valleys, all holding challenges, frustration, accomplishments and joy. Both of our lives were transformed through Freely’s training. Freely learned to think with enthusiasm and she learned a new association with her one constant tool, the leash. For myself her daily assistance provided so many new opportunities and helped me to transition back into the world of people again and added in a new love and awareness of canines.

Freely has always been very spirited. Energetic and yet patient she always jumps into action for going places, LIFT rides, retrieving and leaping to attention for an alert. She loves the work, especially retrieving and laundry. Much of this is no longer in her best interest for her health and had been a challenge for her.

The past couple of months have been a roller coaster for Freely’s health. Several weeks ago her health started

failing quickly. She’d lie on the floor, follow me with her eyes, and occasionally her tail, thumping on the hardwood floor would be her expression of acknowledging some event that was exciting. We had a final try on increasing some medication, which would be the deciding factor if she would be able to be comfortable enough to have the quality of life that she deserved. Within a couple of days, indeed she did improve and that was both wonderful and difficult. There were many factors to consider regarding what would be the next step to insure that her quality of life remain as high as possible.

Nothing has been more difficult than realizing that I was no longer the person that could provide that quality of life for her. While my mind knows that her wellness comes before all else, my heart was torn with thoughts of not being able to hold my commitment to being her “forever home”. Even more painful was knowing that I could no longer financially provide for her and that us being together was an added stress for her, which was not supportive of her wellness. I knew that the decision had to be based on her wellness and greatest opportunity for a restful retirement. I didn’t want to admit that some of my apprehension in returning her to the program had to do with my own fear of if I could survive without her, if she would be in a situation that she could have trust in some constants.

I contacted the program to let them know and they said they would be back in touch with me in a few days. Sitting down I wrote out all of her cues, her favorite toys, her danger toy zones, health, and documentation on her safe interactions around people and other animals. I knew I wouldn’t be able to control how she would be treated and or where she would be placed. But I did decide I would put down one of the most important things to me on her behalf when came to handling. It’s important that she continue to trust what will happen at the other end of her leash. This is for both her physical and emotional health.

While this decision was so painful at the same time, while I was in the middle of feeling that I had failed her, I realized just how much we had done together. How far we had both come and what we both learned. She’s amazing and it brings me joy to not only have shared our lives together for so long, but to see that I have given her a very full and enjoyable life. This process of letting her go, so that “Freely” could be as “free” as possible, has been heart wrenching, while at the same time she is the being that has given me the life experience to be able to make a decision based beyond my own feelings, beyond my own fears, and to make the decision based upon “her” needs. Even in her leaving, she allows me to experience a success.

I know that I’ve read that when making a decision a person knows to be the best that somehow things work out in ways that are even better than planned or hoped for. Indeed this is the case in the placement of Freely to her new home. Freely has gone to live with her puppy raiser and family. For those of you who may not be aware of her puppy raiser, it was my niece. Yesterday we had a meeting that was so beautiful for both of us, and for Freely.

There is SO much more to this story that is not yet written, that I am committed over this month to write and share more about our journey and we will continue to journal how the transition goes and the gifts of her retirement and re-homing.

Freely started out by helping to build a bridge to my wellness and independence, and now she is building yet another bridge for our family.

Within days after I received the gift of Freely, I read a quote from Mother Teresa,
“As we receive freely we give freely, this is a wonderful gift…..”

That quote was my deciding factor in not renaming her. Freely has been, is and always will be a wonderful gift!

Thank you to all our friends and family and everyone on the journey!
If you haven't read this yet, please read our gratitude page of this Blog!

Silence as a Blessing

Every day the phone rings or someone expects to talk to me about something. Some days I just can't talk outside of meeting with people, talking to the bus driver, other people who stop and converse, etc. This is my world. All attempts to try to fake it til I make it when it comes to talking seem to fail. I try to use humor, I try to do positive things, and always someone wants more of what I feel I don't have, or that I actually do have yet is a very painful thing to give.

Because of the importance of the spoken word, sometimes I would prefer not to be on this world. Sometimes the choice of being selfish and wanting to breathe and wanting to connect with others and feel I'm losing precious air, is a decision I am unable to make for the good of others.
For some reason, the more I talk to people, even in really wonderful and enjoyable conversations, in the aftermath I find myself wanting to vow to never talk to anyone again. It's not at all about the person, the people, the topic of conversation. It's about the exhaustion and pain that comes with trying to keep focused on the use of speech while I try to balance breathing.
"You sound so good!" people say. And truly I am so very grateful for that. I just wish there wasn't the constant pain and battle to talk and breathe. Some people tell me I'm lucky that I have a chair because it makes my disability visible. Well, not everything is visible. It's not that I can't communicate at all, so it's not a disability. It is just not the method that people expect or want. So I continue on because I want to connect, I love people... friends, colleagues, family, I love connections! I just wish that verbal conversation were as easy or most comfortable for me so that other people wouldn't be hurt by my inability to be available by phone very often.

I am going to work harder at providing other people the communication that they want and deserve. It's a little scary writing this here, but sometimes I think it's important to be more public in that it is not about any individual person. It is simply that speaking is not my friend anymore. I've come a long way in the past 2 years, and probably had I realized the impact that this would have on life and on relationships, I never would have gone ahead and gotten the trach.
I have, and I must be grateful for breathing.

I would however give anything to be what and who others want and need. I am not. It is sad, it's not horrible, it's just rather sad.

For me, silence and breathing are a blessing and gift. For others, my gift can be painful, and for that reason I will push forward to give more and speak more, because every person matters, not only me.

I'll push on in hopes that I can hold up to this effort, at least some of the time.
I suppose it's part of the pain of gifts and blessings.

Hip-Hip-Hooray ... It's a Lousy Day!

Fixing it the Dog Training Way

So you wake up and realize it is a terrible health day! You get up and do the minimal and everything goes wrong, and you decide to go back to bed. UGH!

Whoa! Wait a minute! When things fall apart sometimes the opposite is the best solution. Let's take this situation on, the "dog training way". 

1. Back up a step

2. Look at your plan/strategy

3. What? You didn't have a plan?

4. Well then, there you go, you build one!

We can walk through this one step at a time.

Here is one example:

After three wonderful days of learning and activities, and realizing I'd averaged one meal a day for three days laced with peanut snacks, it was a crash day! I headed back to bed realizing bed wasn't going to fix it, I needed to get out of the house and get some fresh air.

The food I had planned for breakfast to help get me back on track had already been consumed and the other options were, well, let's just say I would not have been in a better state nutritionally. "Darn! I guess I'll have to go to the store." Yuck, the store on a day feeling like this and having to be polite and talk to people (oxygen depleted)? "Go back to bed!" said the bird in my head!

Not the answer after a three day poor nutrition pattern. So I built my plan and how I would make it through and feel great.

Goal of a plan:
To build for success, and know what step to back up to if necessary.  

Be proactive instead of reactive.
(This is the part that's the "Dog Training Way")

1. communicating with nice store personnel 

    A. find a way to respond with appreciation without using my voice: wink, smile and the "ok" hand signal

    B. find a way to respond to people offering help that may not be needed: smile and "no thanks" head nod
    C. leave jacket unzipped: people can see the trach filter and probably won't ask for more details if not needed, keeping talking to a minimum.

2. Dealing with the shopping cart, to stay pain-free and frustration free

    A. Keep the shopping cart at my side instead of trying to push and pull it.
    B. Leave the shopping cart at the end of the aisle and bring food to it.

        i. plenty of room at the end for the cart beside me (in chair)
       ii. other people able to pass by comfortably

3. The Check Out

    A. Let cashier know I need help with unloading cart: choose the least number of words. Smile & Wave.
    B. Let cashier know I'll be loading the items myself into my backpack: choose least number of words. Smile & Wave.

4. Load the groceries myself... yikes!

   A. Try and then ask for help if needed.

These were the results of the plan:

1. communicating with nice store personnel 

    A. find a way to respond with appreciation without using my voice: wink, smile and the "ok" hand signal

    Perfect! In fact when they would pass me after I had responded, they just nodded and smiled as well!

    B. find a way to respond to people offering help that may not be needed: smile and the hand wave that says "no problem"

    Perfect! I smiled, with the head nod  of "no". You know, when you use that head nod and Smile, people see that it's a positive!

    C. leave jacket unzipped: people can see the trach filter and probably won't ask for more details if not needed, keeping talking to a minimum.

    I think it helped.

2. Dealing with the shopping cart, to stay pain-free and frustration free

    A. Keep the shopping cart at my side instead of trying to push and pull it.

    Kept head pressure to a minimum, so helped maintain the stamina that I did have.

    B. Leave the shopping cart at the end of the aisle and bring food to it.

        i. plenty of room at the end for the cart beside me (in chair)
       ii. other people able to pass by comfortably

    Worked on all accounts! And only lost my shopping cart once (cart handler error). Made a little sign for the cart so it wouldn't be swooped up and items returned to shelves.

3. The Check Out

    A. Let cashier know I need help with unloading cart: choose the least number of words. Smile & Wave.

    B. Let cashier know I'll be loading the items myself into my backpack: choose least number of words. Smile & Wave.

    Took my time with the few words, and smiled! Great!

4. Load the groceries myself... yikes!

   A. Try and then ask for help if needed.

   VOILA! I had saved so much energy and oxygen by communicating less vocally to people that I had plenty of energy and oxygen to load every item purchased independently... which in turn, meant I got some exercise!

What I was not prepared with however, was a grocery list. And to tell you the truth this was one of the best things that I did (or didn't do). What I found was that since I wasn't feeling well, the things that I probably would have grabbed up would be fast prepared food that is often lacking in nutrients. and NONE of those foods looked appealing to me at all! Wound up with lots of fresh fruits, veggies, and found some good option frozen foods. I looked over the items in my cart before heading to the check out and actually found a few things that did not look good to me at all and returned them. 

My shopping trip was almost two hours, however going at a time when not many people were there, and leaving my cart at a location of ease I found it was easier to go in my own time. 

In fact the trip was so successful and felt so great that when I got onto the bus, I was daydreaming.

OOPS! Missed my stop! UGH!..

No problem...

It's a sunny day, my chair still has juice and I can take the stress-free side streets.

Got home, backed my chair up to the fridge and unloaded all immediately!

blog it while it's fresh in my mind, and now heading for a rest.

And will blend myself a smoothie as soon as I wake up!

Morals of the story are:

1. Planning makes a difference in communication and success!

2. You don't have to be full to go shopping effectively, and it helps if you're in a state of mind that the food that is appealing to you is healthy food!

So what might you need or want to accomplish that you keep putting off or avoid?

You might be able to accomplish it successfully and have it even be enjoyable!

If you aren't sure where to begin, check out "Impromptu Prompts" and inquire how these prompts might help you out!