On Learning Financial Wisdom

In a current study program I have been learning about "business". Learning leadership value, target market groups and their needs and preferences, it is a true challenge for me to "buy into" most of the concepts there.

I recently read about the situation of a woman I've connected with in the past, who has given to many people, and yet finds herself in a position of being without the basic needs for herself and service dog(s). It's a sad life story that moves many of us to anger and frustration and rings of injustice.

On a number of points, I realize this could so easily be myself. Having been used to living at poverty level, and coming from a state of mind, or a belief that there is no way for it to be different, I am beginning to get a grasp on how I have the opportunity here to learn to bring myself into a more successful state of being able to help others without risking my own health.

How many times have I heard "If you don't take care of yourself, how can you help others?" I have to admit that for me, having funds or even adequate funds seems almost evil. Why is it that this has become a "given" for me and almost a virtue to have nothing and be of service. It seems admirable at some level. While at the same time is excruciatingly painful. In fact at times it can give me that sense that I am "worth nothing".

It seems that those of us with some skills can learn to some how find a way to use these skills in ways that can produce the needs so that we can continue to be of benefit to others and to ourselves, without it being deemed selfish. Having been raised with the concept of "selflessness" is something that I prided myself in. While at the same time it is a philosophy that has kept me in great consternation regarding my own survival.

Also within my experience, and in discussions with various people at different times, there is an awareness that having repeatedly been in positions of not having enough, when there are resources, there is frequently a lack of understanding of how to best use those resources. It's the very way of living with "never enough" that at times keeps me in a pattern of behaviors that perpetuate not meeting my own needs. Those behaviors further sabotage my wellness and wholeness.

I'm not sure where this is all headed in terms of me looking at things from a totally different perspective. I do think that I am ready to look at the possibility, or rather the goal, to learn financial wisdom.

I too am on disability and there are rules built into this system that keeps many of us in the belief that if I can't do "all" for myself financially, I am better off doing nothing.

I realize that this will take some strategic planning that I am not certain how to create or implement. I will need to learn how it can come to fruition to be able to have the resources to take better care of myself and my service dog. As I work through it my goal is to continue to share this, as there are so many people in this very same cycle.

It is also important that whatever strategy I use, will not of itself be yet further demanding of my body, and that does include my brain!

Thank you to my friends and supporters who do what they can to keep me moving. What I would love to do is pick the brains of those who have found the wisdom to make this work. If that would be you, please contact me!

It will be a interesting walk to be seeking with an open mind learning more from those I encounter. Looking to those who are a part of my life and are successful at being able to care for themselves and their needs is key as well, as I am gifted to be surrounded by those that have the "hearts and spirits of givers".

Today I ask myself, "is poverty a virtue that is working for you, Mara?" A good portion of my lack of wellness in body and spirit is a direct result of not having the funds to take optimum care of myself or have the resources to access the treatments and other tools that lead to a better equipped body. Being in this position for long periods I believe has the potential to create within a person two beliefs, either "there is no other way" or "I will and must change this!"

Having been homeless and without the basic needs for more time in my life than I want to go back and review, I am adding to my journey of wellness and wholeness to include gaining the wisdom that is necessary to acquire what is needed for me to care for myself, allowing me to have more resources to assist others. Those resources are definitely beyond financial resources. Having the resource of being "well enough" to assist others is vital at this point.

I'll stop for today with what I wrote to my instructor yesterday...

"I have to admit that while the Business Lesson is the most challenging for me...., it is also very empowering. As I realize that I really do need an income to give my service dog the added health support as she ages. I love that I can give to people, and at the same time, self care and care for those in my care need to come first in order for giving to be at an optimum, so I'm working on that part now. And I'll have to put a push on it for her sake.

I think that it's important to be proactive, so I do want to look at the possibilities of having some funds to do the care for us that will provide the greatest wellness for ourselves and others. This is a huge stretch for me, who is used to living in poverty. Interesting concept that I am beginning to relish the thought of.

You have to have something in order to have anything to give away."