Recently finding myself in an unexpected meet up with someone, I immediately identified that is wasn't the best place for me to be at that time. Truly, there was nothing "wrong" with the conversation per se, however with the topic being a controversial trigger point I needed a quick escape. An abrupt "Oh, I have to catch my bus!" and I scuttled off. While I will admit it was extremely abrupt, it was a step in the direction of how I'd like to deal with such encounters.
My goal: to be able to find ways to redirect conversation when and where appropriate if they are too challenging, or be able to find ways to excuse myself gracefully without disruption to the conversation for others or to the relationship with the person if it is with just one other person.
Careful strategies and "mindful role playing" are usually my best tools for building a plan for success when it comes to trying to change my impulse or reaction in situations with people. I am setting out to build this over the coming few days.
"Mindful role playing". And what is that? My description is playing over and over in my mind how I envision the goal, and playing the road to that goal over in my mind. It is one way that I've been able to build success quite effectively.
My first encounter of being able to use this as a strategy has stuck with me since the age of about 17 or 18.
While the following strategy worked for me, I DO NOT recommend it be used for this type of learning! You'll see why.
I was desperately wanting to get my drivers license. I had really only been out practicing with my mother a couple of dozen times at the most. It was a trying experience for her as well as myself and then sessions often ended up in duel of frustration. Every morning and every night, I would lay in bed and picture myself doing everything necessary to be a good driver.
Looking in rear view mirror
Practicing smooth braking
Looking around while keeping my hands still on the wheel
Watching other cars and drivers
Looking at crosswalks
Looking for pedestrians when pulling out driveways
Everything I could think of and more.
Every time I was a passenger in a car I constantly played over in my mind...
I would start to stop now
I see that.... object, animal, pedestrian, bicycle, etc.
I looked up repeatedly to my right even if there was no mirror there
I often chose to sit behind the driver so I could practice looking in the rear view mirror
My mother agreed to take me to motor vehicles division for my test. I think she was certain I would never pass. This was in the 70's so there were no where near as many requirements for taking the test at that time.
I passed missing only one item. I was thrilled. Fortunately I was a person of extreme caution. I then proceeded with my real-life practice. YIKES when I think of how this could have gone terribly dangerous.
Back to the reason it stands out so clearly, it allowed me that early experience in my life to realize that I could use my mind to build the skills needed to affect the outcome of something as well as to enhance my chances of success. I often thought about this over the years, and now it has come as a critical tool for some of the things I use on my journey.
Visualized practice for the mind to be prepared, and TAGteach for the body to be prepared.
One of my favorite current quotes "Start enjoying the walk down the street instead of living for what's around the corner"...
The "journey" has often seemed the most horrendous part, so I focus on where I want to be. The true question on anything we do is "is it working for me". The answer is not really. So I am learning to be present to the journey, embrace it, and allow it to be a teacher to myself and others.
"Around the corner" has stayed just that... around the corner. For myself, basking in the journey, embracing it and learning to enjoy it is allowing me to see around many corners.
The journey offers and allows me success in seeing many corners turned.
Through this journey, I am seeing my exits become more and more graceful and will visit this aspect frequently. I too often "see" myself with only the visual of my size, visible limitations and non-attractiveness.
Being a very large person has led to many negative experiences, outwardly and inwardly. However, being large has never diminished the "dancer" that I've always seen in myself. More on that another day.
I find I am starting to "see" some of the wonderful qualities that are piece of my being. The essence of my being, actually is quite attractive if I can allow it out and about for myself and others to experience. Sometimes I really need the visual. I've never been or felt to be a visually attractive person. I look back on photos and actually see in a number of them they are at least pleasant to look at. I'm putting one here, for myself.
The journey is good, and to exit gracefully for right now, I'll see you soon. I'm headed off to visualize more ways to be graceful in exits and transitions.
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